I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
