He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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