this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
