plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please come you make the beer taste better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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