it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
