there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
