dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
