I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
