I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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