dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize