I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
