I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
