I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
