I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize