Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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