Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
