He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
