I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
