my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
