we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
