Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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