people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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