We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize