are you so shy because you have an std?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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