Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize