: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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