More tranny stories later!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
