all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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