Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
