That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
