I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
