guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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