i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
