Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
smell my finger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
