DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
