what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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