remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
