dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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