Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize