Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
