is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
