You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize