Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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