we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
