Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
