do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
