you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
