Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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