dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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