the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
