All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
