dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
