I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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