While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
