Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
