If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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