so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
