Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We have started to decorate penises.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
