my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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