How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
