I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
