I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
