You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
