i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
