What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
