Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize