Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
