I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dick has a subreddit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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