I can tuck mytits in my pants
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize