I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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