fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
