i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
