i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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