When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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