Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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