Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
