Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize