you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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