you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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