I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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