she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize