is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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