She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
