is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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