Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
