Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
