I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize