he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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