i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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