well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i came on her dog
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Randomize