Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
