Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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