at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
